I think you are ugly and stupid, You are a real pain in the …... Wait a moment.... oh no, I do have the right number...

A popular inspirational speaker said:
Best years of my life were spent
in arms of a woman who wasn’t my wife!
Audience was shocked and silence.
He added:
She was my mother!
Audience applause and laughter!

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

Why was the students report card all wet?
Because it was below C ( sea ) level.

A little kid asks his Dad,
“Daddy, how much does
it cost to get married?”
“No idea,” replied the Father,
“I’m still paying for it…”

How about you sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?

She give me her lucks,
Taught me to Talk,
Made me laugh,
Taught me to chill when Angry,
Gifted me Understanding,
Helped me Conquer My Fears,
Taught me the Differentiate Between Good 'n Bad,
Made me Confident...
PROUD to be Her SON..
Glad to have her as my mother..
LOVE you MOM..
Happy Mother's Day.. !

A friend can’t be considered a friend, Unless he is tested on three occasions: 1. In the time of need. 2. Behind your back. 3. After your death. Happy Friendship Day !

Today we come together,
Be the cause for the unity,
Make it Beautiful day another..
Fight against corruption,
Spiral the flag of On NATION
Happy Independence Day!

Lehar ati hai kinare se palat jati hai,
yad ati hai dil me simat jati hai,
faraq itna hai ki lehar bewaqt ati hai,
aur aap ki yaad har waqt ati hai

In my past life, god said a gem is going to be born on (date) and i give u a boon that u get to be this beautiful gem’s friend…couldnt ask for anything more but thank the god for giving me a friend like u…happy birthday and dont forget that someone somewhere is wishing for ur happiness on every fall

Best day aaj, best gift zindagi,
best eahsaas khushi,
best feeling pyar,
best relationship dosti,
best person hum,
best friend tum hum tum

The NHS regrets to inform you that your birth was an accident. Please report to your nearest hospital to be put down. We apologize for any inconvenience.

I'm not as dumb as you look.

Step by step the journey goes on,
Little by little it may seem so long.
Forget about your past, you can”t change it,
Forget about your future, you cant predict it.
Just think about present, you can handle it.
Enjoy presents every moment & be happy….
BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY to U….!

Hurray!

Bravo!
Congrats!
Really Cool!
You Did It!
Way to go!
Great Work!

Sending you a JUMBO-SIZED
Congratulations!

PATIENT: Good morning, doc! I dropped in to tell you how much I benefitted from ur treatment. DOC: But you are not one of my patients. PATIENT: I know, but my uncle was and I am his heir!
83;-) PATIENT: Couldn't you split my persomality? DOC: Why would you want a thing like that? PATIENT: Oh Doc, I am feeling so lonely!

Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.

A shining angel stands beside your silky bed
calling your nice name so softly
throwing flowers on you and
saying good morning
have a nice day

ONCE A NUN GOES FOR A URINE EXAMINATION AND THE SAMPLES GET MIXED UP. the report indicates she is pregnant. WHEN SHE GETS THE REPORT, SHE EXCLAIMS, "OH JESUS!! NOW WE CAN NOT EVEN RELY ON CANDLES"

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